Know Thyself
20 Questions to Expand Self-Awareness
It’s hard to change something if you don’t know it exists. To grow, we first have to identify what’s going well and understand where things need improvement. At home or at work, your ability to understand yourself —your strengths, limitations, motivations, and values—provides a platform for authentic interactions and effective decision-making. It’s much easier said than done, but as self-awareness expands, our ability to make change increases as well.
To build self-awareness, cultivate the habit of regularly checking in with yourself. Set aside time to pause, reflect, and thoughtfully consider the following questions:
What is energizing me? When stressors outweigh sources of renewal, it's impossible to perform at your peak. List activities that restore your physical, cognitive, emotional, relational, and creative energy. Treat it like a coping equation and ensure the balance is in your favor.
What relationships are draining me? Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with certain people. Do you feel uplifted and positive, or do you feel drained and anxious? If you consistently feel emotionally exhausted after interactions, it might be a sign that the relationship is taking a toll on your mental health.
When am I experiencing flow? Flow is that state of deep immersion where you lose track of time and become fully absorbed in the task at hand. Activities that induce flow typically bring profound joy and satisfaction. You’ll know you’re in the zone when your focus is razor-sharp and your energy feels effortless.
How am I wasting my time? While many people lament being too busy, they often squander their time on empty, meaningless, or even counterproductive activities. How many hours do you spend mindlessly scrolling, glued to a screen? Start treating your time like it’s your most valuable resource. You only get to spend each minute once.
Why am I wasting my time? After identifying how you're wasting your time, dig deeper and consider why. What is your distraction-of-choice allowing you to leave unaddressed?
When am I most unhappy? Determine when your mood trends the lowest. What's happening? What are you doing? Who are you with? Think about how you can decrease the amount of time you spend doing those things, in those places, with those people.
What am I trying to avoid? People often go to great lengths to escape discomfort. What don’t you want to face? (Or who?) Avoidance might provide temporary relief, but it’s not a sustainable solution. Confronting difficult situations directly is the only way to address them effectively. Ignoring problems typically exacerbates them, making them harder to manage over time.
What is distracting me? Recognize the factors that pull you away from being fully engaged in the present moment. Ensure that the people you care about don’t have to compete with your phone for your attention. If work-related thoughts are overwhelming you, mentally set them aside for later—give yourself permission to focus on the here and now. Remember, you’re not paid to worry about work outside of business hours.
Am I running to something or running from something? Embarking on a new project or venture can be exciting, and while it often seems like a positive step, it’s important to evaluate your motives. Periodically assess whether your goal-driven activities are a genuine pursuit of your aspirations or if they are a way to avoid confronting something difficult. Ensuring that your actions align with your true intentions can help you address challenges directly rather than seeking to escape them.
What is preoccupying me? Is it outside of my control? Sometimes our thoughts become tangled, and we find ourselves fixating on concerns that seem to spin out of control. If you're struggling to detach from a worry or fear, assess whether it's something you can address in the present moment. Clarify what is within your control and what isn’t. Redirect your time and energy towards what you can actively influence and change today.
Is the intensity of my response proportional to the situation? When you find yourself reacting strongly, evaluate whether your response aligns with the significance of the issue. If your reaction seems disproportionate to a minor event, it could indicate that underlying stress or unaddressed emotions are surfacing. Consider whether unresolved issues are contributing to an exaggerated response.
How am I responding to setbacks and disappointment? When faced with challenges, we have the power to choose our reaction. Embrace obstacles as opportunities for growth and learning. Use them to build resilience and emerge stronger.
How am I responding to challenging feedback? It’s natural to find critical feedback difficult to hear, as it often touches on areas where we feel vulnerable. However, how we respond to such feedback can significantly impact our personal and professional growth. Instead of reacting defensively, try to approach the feedback with an open and curious mindset. View it as an opportunity for self-improvement rather than a personal attack. Take time to reflect on the feedback and consider practical ways to apply it.
How am I responding to compliments? Think about your automatic response to praise. Do you instinctually bat it away? When someone is complimentary, resist the urge to tell them why they are wrong. Don't minimize with "it's not a big deal." Say "thank you" instead. Let the good things people say about you sink in.
What do I fear? What is my fear doing to me? Fear can protect us from real risks or hold us back from opportunities. Instead of trying to eliminate it, the goal is to manage it effectively. Understanding our fears and their impact helps us differentiate between necessary caution and undue limitation, enabling us to address fears constructively while pursuing growth and exploration.
What do I want? What am I doing to get it? Set aside external expectations, societal "shoulds," and other people’s aspirations for you. Focus on your own desires and actively pursue them. Don’t wait passively for your dreams to materialize; take deliberate steps to turn them into reality.
Where in my life is self-sabotage masquerading as reward? Often, when we feel depleted or stressed, we seek comfort in behaviors that provide temporary comfort but ultimately undermine our wellbeing. Reflect on the moments when you tell yourself, "I deserve this," and examine whether these rewards are truly beneficial or if they are simply masking deeper needs and distractions. Ensure that your so-called rewards align with your long-term goals and contribute positively to your overall growth and health.
What is the story I'm telling myself? Where is it taking me? Never underestimate the power of your mind. The most influential stories we listen to are the ones we tell ourselves. We often use imagination to fill in gaps and craft backstories, but these explanations aren’t always accurate. When our internal narratives are based on false assumptions, they can trigger negative emotions, deplete our energy, and drive decisions that aren't in our best interest. Suspend assumptions. Gather information instead.
What is happening when I'm not who I want to be? We all encounter moments where we struggle to show up as our best selves. During these times, it’s important to pause and reflect on what’s contributing to this disconnect. Are external factors, such as stressful environments or difficult relationships, influencing your behavior? Are there internal factors, like unresolved emotions or self-limiting beliefs, at play? Understanding these influences helps us identify patterns and triggers. By acknowledging these gaps and addressing their root causes, we can develop strategies to realign our actions with our aspirations and work towards becoming the person we truly want to be.
Who is helping me see my blindspots? We all have aspects of ourselves that are hard to recognize on our own, and this is where the insights of others become invaluable. Identifying the people who offer honest, constructive feedback can be a game-changer. These might be trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues who have the courage to point out what we might overlook. Building relationships with those who can provide candid, thoughtful observations helps us gain a more accurate view of ourselves.
Self-awareness is a moving target, not a destination — there’s always more to understand about yourself.
Stay curious.
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