Trial by Fire

Do you ever just want to burn it all down?

Sometimes we find ourselves in seasons where things don’t make sense. Times that feel anything but fair. In these moments—when we’re walking through hardship—it’s easy to get caught up in the wrong questions. We find ourselves stuck in the quicksand of “Why me?” or “How did this happen?” These questions are natural, but they lead us in circles, draining the precious energy we need to handle the challenges before us.

When we're reeling, we tend to grasp for explanations. But chasing answers to unanswerable questions leaves us more exhausted and less equipped to navigate our unchosen reality. We get caught in loops that don't serve us—spirals that lead us deeper into frustration and futility.

What if, during these times, we shifted the questions we’re asking? Instead of getting mired in “Why me?” and “How?”—questions that rarely move us forward—we could think:

“What now?”

“What can I do with this?”

“How can I be used through this?”

These questions pull us out of victimhood and connect us to agency. “What now?” anchors us in the present, encouraging us to consider our next step instead of losing ourselves in the fog of the past. “How can I use this?” invites us to turn pain into purpose, to see something valuable—even if seemingly small—in what we’re going through. And “How can I be used through this?” stretches us to recognize that our experiences might have meaning for others, too.

Hardship isn’t something we get to circumvent; it's something we must move through. But by shifting the questions we ask ourselves as we face life’s trials, we can find the resilience to move forward and to discover meaning in places we never would have looked before. So, the next time you find yourself in a difficult stretch, choose the questions that will point you forward, ground you in purpose, and maybe even a bit of grace.  

This is how we find joy, even in the darkness.

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If you’re interested in more strategies for strengthening self-awareness and raising your EQ, don’t miss Finding Joy:

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