The Power of Permission
It is okay not to be okay.
It is okay to be okay, too.
The pandemic has marked people's lives in myriad ways. No one has been left untouched or unscathed. Yet, in the midst of hard, many people find themselves caught in the mind trap of comparative suffering. When people develop a hierarchy of hardship in their minds, they can quickly invalidate their own challenges, which can result in considerable psychic pain.
Comparative suffering is a complicated game. There is a place for gratitude and perspective-taking to get us out of a stuck headspace, but everyone's version of hard is valid.
The pandemic revealed the true bifurcation of our society. The "haves" and "have nots" had radically different experiences as the economy and world shook with grief. Still, everyone was exposed to life-and-death threats and endured, what is by clinical definition, trauma.
An uncomfortable inevitability of life is that there will always be someone, somewhere who is worse off than you. Confronting this fact generates feelings of guilt for some people. Guilt is a heavy burden to haul around. The function of guilt is to let us know we've done something wrong or harm has occurred so reparative action can be taken. Being "okay" or emerging from the pandemic in a better position than you were in before the madness started last March doesn't mean that you've done something wrong. When the feeling of guilt doesn't fit a situation, a reminder that you have nothing to apologize for can be a step of self-compassion.
In situations where you are flourishing while people around you are hurting, you have an important role to play. You are in a position to support people who are struggling. You have permission to experience health, happiness, and success—always. You don't have to pay a guilty penance for what you can be grateful for. Instead, take seriously the responsibilities that accompany privilege and freedom. Steward what you have to contribute and care for others.
Everyone is living a story the outside world knows nothing about. Nullifying your pain does next to nothing to eliminate suffering from the rest of the world. Yet, people do it all the time. Remember: hurt is not a zero-sum game.
Everyone has permission to struggle.
Everyone has permission to thrive.
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