The Last Time
What happens when you run out of chances?
Life doesn't give us infinite chances to get things right.
Recently I was talking with a friend, and he posed a simple, wonderful question: "What was the best thing that you did this week?" I had a menu of great options, but without missing a beat, I replied "rocking my sick kids." My response to his question was on the heels of a week of significant professional wins, but in my heart, even the biggest work victories pale in comparison with these everyday moments with my children. My friend smiled knowingly and said his favorite moment had been carrying a sleeping child to bed. He's an accomplished professional who, like me, is trying to balance the demands of work-life with his most important job: being a great parent to young kids.
Later, he said something I couldn't get out of my head. "Eventually, there will be a ‘last time’—we just often don't know when it is. Sometimes we don't know until after the fact." As my children grow and the countdown speeds up toward so many "last times," I feel a heavy urgency deep in my soul to savor and be more present.
There will be the final time your child crawls in bed with you. Asks to be held. Grabs your hand to cross the street. You will get one last chance to hug a parent and say, “I love you.” The window will eventually close on the opportunity to tell someone the impact they've had on your life. We’re all running out of time.
We don't always get to plan our endings. Loss often isn't scheduled. Death never asks when you're ready to part ways. Anyone who has had their ability to say goodbye to someone they love taken away knows this too well. When things are abruptly upended and left unfinished, it changes you.
People tend to live their lives working for tomorrow. This isn't all bad, given the human tendency toward present bias. We need to be forward-thinking. Nearsightedness can hurt us and the people we hold most dear. But remember, today is what you've got. You're promised nothing more.
Pay attention to the life in front of you as it unfolds (and, please, stop watching it all through your phone). Our ability to be present is a two-way gift. The people around us crave and need it. It's also something we owe ourselves. If you rush through right now, what are you missing? More importantly, who?
Life doesn't come with a remote. There's no rewind or redo. Humanity does give you a helpful guide, however. Enter: regret. Sometimes our choices don’t line up with our values, and we don't act like the person we want to be. Regret can help us to determine how to move forward differently.
Give yourself grace for what you've struggled to be present for in the past. You can't go back, but you can start today. We can't always "make up" for lost time, but we can make good on the rest of the time we've got.
How can we hold on and keep moving forward?
Take pictures in your heart. Bring intention to focusing on the small, simple pleasures every day. Step outside your experiences, review and really appreciate them while they are happening. Savoring in this way can have a significant impact on your wellbeing.
Forecast Nostalgia. Ask: When this chapter is over, will this be an experience I’ll miss?
Leave less unspoken. The text, email, or DM you've composed several times in your head but haven't taken 2 minutes to send? Write it today. Pick up the phone and tell someone how they've impacted you. People love hearing that they've made a difference and that what they've said or done has mattered.
Memento mori. You will die. Everyone you love will too. We don't like to think or talk like that, but it's uncomfortably true. Let the finiteness of existence unmoor you a bit. Allow this reality to transform how you live. Start now.
If this is your last chance, what will you do?
The bittersweet side of appreciating life’s most precious moments is the unbearable awareness that those moments are passing.
- Marc Parent
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