Time is a Thief.
There’s a stroller sitting in the back room of my garage. It’s been there for months. Untouched. I really need to list it on Facebook Marketplace, but I’m not quite ready to part ways. It’s bittersweet. I don’t miss schlepping around All Of The Things now that my kids are self-powered. But, when I think back on the hundreds of miles that I covered with our pram, my heart feels a sting. I pushed two babies up and down streets and sidewalks for five years. That stroller helped me maintain my sanity through the pandemic. In the earliest stages of motherhood, it gave me freedom while maintaining close proximity to the two tiny humans who intensely depended on me twenty-four hours a day.
I reached a point last year where pushing two five-year-olds around was becoming more of a workout than I always wanted. 80 pounds of child in a double stroller is no joke. It took some coaxing and cajoling, but eventually, my kids found their feet. I don’t know exactly when it happened. It wasn’t planned. But somewhere in there, we took our last stroller ride.
With most things in life, eventually, there will be a ‘last time’–we just often don’t know when it will be. Sometimes, we don’t realize it until after the fact. As my children grow, the “last times” are coming at me with a hastening speed. In light of this, I feel intensity in my need to savor and be present.
Time. It’s slippery.
There will be the final time your child crawls in bed with you. Asks to be held. Grabs your hand to cross the street. There will be one Last Supper in your childhood home. You’ll get one last chance to hug a parent and say, “I love you.” The window will eventually close on the opportunity to tell someone the impact they've had on your life.
We’re all running out of time. Every day.
We don't always get to plan our endings. Loss often isn't scheduled. Death never asks when you're ready to part ways. Anyone who has had their ability to say goodbye to someone they love taken away knows this too well. When things are cut off abruptly and business is forever unfinished, it changes you.
People tend to live their lives working for tomorrow. This isn't all bad. We need to be forward-thinking. However, farsightedness can hurt us and the people we hold most dear. Today all what you've got. We’re promised nothing more.
Pay attention to the life in front of you as it unfolds (and, please, stop watching it all through your phone). Our ability to be present is a two-way gift. The people around us want our attention. They deserve our focus. Presence is also something we owe ourselves. If you rush through right now, what are you missing? More importantly, who?
Life doesn't come with a remote. There's no rewind or redo. Humanity does give you a helpful guide, however. Regret. In some moments, our choices don’t map to our values. We don’t always act like the person we want to be. Regret can guide us to move forward differently. Give yourself grace for what you've struggled to be present for in the past. You can't go back, but you can start today. We can't always "make up" for lost time, but we can make good on the rest of the chances we've got.
How can we hold on and keep moving forward?
Savor. Intentionally focus on small, simple pleasures every day. Appreciate your experiences as they are happening in real time.
Forecast Nostalgia. Ask: When this chapter is over, what will I miss?
Leave less unspoken. The text, email, or DM you've composed several times in your head but haven't taken 2 minutes to send? Write it today. Better yet, send your thoughts in a handwritten letter. Pick up the phone and tell someone how they've impacted you. People love hearing that they've made a difference and that what they've said or done has mattered.
Memento mori. You will die. Everyone you love will, too. We don't like to think or talk like that, but it's uncomfortably true. Let the finiteness of existence unmoor you a bit. Allow this reality to transform how you live. Start now.
If this is your last chance, what will you do?
The bittersweet side of appreciating life’s most precious moments is the unbearable awareness that those moments are passing.
- Marc Parent
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