Square One
Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.
Last Friday night, I found myself on a pickleball court with a new group of friends. I was not any good. I’m a fairly athletic person, but that didn’t seem to matter as I botched serves, missed balls, and struggled to make sense of the scoring. It felt like I was in an elementary school gym class, awkwardly fumbling my way through a game I didn’t quite understand.
As I walked away from the court that evening, I thought, “That was really good for me.” Not because I got my heart rate up (although that didn’t hurt), but because it was a workout for my brain—and an unexpected exercise in empathy. Being bad at something, especially in front of others, was humbling. It’s easy to lean into the safety of our strengths. But stepping into something unfamiliar, where the risk of failure is high, reminds us what it feels like to be vulnerable, to struggle, and to learn.
It’s not easy.
At this point in my life, I’m not a novice very often. Most days, I’m solidly in my zone of competence. But after that pickleball game, I made a decision: I need to seek out more of these rookie moments.
It’s tempting to stay where we feel capable and in control, but growth doesn’t happen in our comfort zone—it takes place when we stretch beyond what’s familiar. That discomfort of being unsure, of not knowing what you’re doing, is where learning begins. It’s a space we all should occupy more often. When we do, we reconnect with what it’s like to be a beginner. Keeping that memory close to the surface makes it easier to access patience and generosity for others as they venture into uncharted territory.
Want to get smarter, love better, and lead more effectively?
Go be terrible at something new.
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If you’re interested in more strategies for strengthening self-awareness and raising your EQ, don’t miss Finding Joy:
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