Snow Days and the Stomach Flu

Plans derailed? Maybe it’s time to rethink “productivity”

Winter isn’t my favorite time of year. If you live someplace cold, chances are, you’re over it too. Over the course of the last month or so I’ve heard a similar refrain from patients and peers alike—frustration and stress when snow and sick days waylay preexisting plans. It’s hard. Your to-do list doesn’t care if your kid has the flu. Your calendar doesn’t clear up just because school closes. It’s never easy to make a quick pivot. But it happens more often than we’d like.  So what can we do?

Personally, when my expectations for the day are broken before breakfast, I know I have to check myself. When I’ve faced this dilemma, more than a time or two, I’ve greeted my husband at the end of the day with a frayed intensity exclaiming, “I got NOTHING done today.” But that statement is never true. On the occasions I don’t make as much progress on my Notion task list as I hoped during daytime hours, it’s usually because my kids needed more from me. I’m not able to “do” as much because I recognize it’s critical for me to “be.” Intellectually, I know that prioritizing presence with my kids matters more in the long term than making progress on a punch list. Reading books, baking, building Lego creations, pushing swings, and rocking a feverish child. They’re privileges. (And, some of my favorite things!). So why is it that if I spend more hours on these activities from time to time, it can leave me feeling stressed and anxious? Because I, like so many of us, have a warped relationship with so-called “productivity.”

We are obsessed with optimization. Professionally, most of us are under considerable pressure to produce. Do more, better. Faster. Regardless of your line of work, you likely have a to-do list. And, if you’re anything like me, it is never-ending. There is always unfinished business. Another opportunity. Something important needing my attention. But our lives should be more than a list of tasks that we just trying to power through. Instead, we need to treat our days for what they are: fleeting gifts to savor.

As much as we bemoan being buried under projects, many people secretly love it. When you cross things off of The List, it usually delivers a dopamine hit. A moment of relief. Usually, our professional tasks are measurable. They offer a fairly predictable, straight-shot to positive reinforcement. Cleaning up vomit and wiping snot? Not so much. Work projects are usually time-bound. When things are “finished” we can anticipate “well done.” If we accomplish, we can tell ourselves we are accomplished. We fold action and outcome into our identity. If we do enough, maybe deep down, we will start to believe we are enough.

The reality is that many of the tasks we spend so much time and energy worrying about don’t matter as much as we think they do, especially when we adjust our time perspective. The most important things in our lives don’t involve emails, meetings, reports, and spreadsheets—they’re our relationships. A majority of the projects I’m working on now in a professional context will eventually fade and be forgotten. I don’t remember half of the things I was losing sleep over two years ago. But, the way I treat the people around me—how I allocate my focus and attention—will leave an indefinite mark. True productivity, it turns out, isn’t so much about doing as it is about being. So, if we want to live a life of impact, we need to reprioritize. As you stare at your laundry list of “stuff to do” ask, “What will last?” Usually, the answer will be related to a different question: “Who matters most?”   

You will always have more to do. Stop trying to finish everything on your list. The day you’re “done” is the day you die, so be glad you have a purpose. But, as you live “in pursuit,” give yourself radical permission to slow down.

Just be. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do.

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