Making Love That Lasts

Want to improve your marriage? Ask these six questions.

If you are serious about improving your romantic partnership, it’s okay to start small. A great way to begin is by carving out time for a consistent connection. A practice that has yielded huge dividends in my own marriage, and something I often prescribe to clients, is this: each week, do a check-in with your spouse and ask one another the following questions:

1. What brought you joy this week?
   This question invites you to celebrate the bright spots, no matter how small. Sharing what brought you happiness not only highlights what’s going well but also lets your partner into the moments they might have missed.

2. What was hard for you this week?
   Life isn’t always easy, and facing challenges alone can feel isolating. This question encourages vulnerability and lets your partner step into your struggles with empathy and support. It’s a way to lighten each other’s emotional load.

3. Is there anything you’ve left unspoken?
   Sometimes, it’s the things we don’t say that create the biggest distance. This question opens the floor for honesty about lingering frustration, an unvoiced fear, or even a small annoyance Addressing these things early keeps resentment from building.

4. What can I do for you this upcoming week?
   This isn’t just about chores or tasks. It’s about asking, “How can I best support you?” It shows your partner that their needs matter and that you’re willing to put in the effort to make their life a little easier.

5. Ask an open question of your choice.
   Relationships thrive on curiosity. This is your chance to dive deeper. Ask about their dreams, fears, or even something lighthearted like their current obsessions. No matter how long you’ve been together, be a student of your spouse.

6. (If you share a faith background) How can I pray for you this week?
   For couples who share a faith, this question can be a powerful way to align spiritually and emotionally. It’s a reminder that you’re supporting each other not just practically, but on a deeper, spiritual level.

When you make this conversation part of your regular rhythm, you don’t have to use precious decision-making power to decide whether or not to do it. It becomes a habit and a built-in space for connection that anchors your week. The conversation doesn’t have to happen at the exact same time or place (though it’s great to integrate it into a standing date night!).

It’s easy to fall into the trap of co-existing—sharing a bed, managing the household, and juggling schedules—while emotionally drifting apart. Over time, couples can start to feel like roommates, or worse, strangers living under the same roof. Regular relationship check-ins ensure that even in the busiest seasons, you remain emotionally attuned, not just logistically coordinated.

If you liked this post, spread the Joy and share it with someone else!

If you’re interested in more strategies for strengthening self-awareness and raising your EQ, don’t miss Finding Joy:

For more of my musings on love, life, and work, you can follow me on Linked In.