Q&A with Dr. Lere
My real-life reactions to your real-world challenges.
Dr. Lere,
I’ve been married for five years and just found out that my husband has been sending money to his parents each month without telling me. Thousands of dollars. Typically, I don’t pay too much attention to our bank statements at all, but I happened to look last week and thought the transaction looked odd. When I confronted him about it, he explained that he felt a duty to provide for his parents, who are struggling physically (and financially). I don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws, so I’m far from thrilled that this is where any of our hard-earned money has been going, but I’m more upset that he lied to me. I’m worried, too. If he didn’t tell me about this I can’t help but wonder what else he’s been hiding. I’m committed to making this marriage work, but I’m not sure what to say or do (or if I can trust him again).
Having healthy relationships isn’t easy. Navigating money life is hard When we combine those two things, things get complicated quickly. You’ve been through something really difficult. Your husband’s money secret is a significant breach of trust. Unfortunately, this happens more often than we think. A 2019 report from creditcards.com indicated that nineteen percent of live-in romantic partners in the U.S. had concealed a bank account or credit card from their partner in 2018. In fact, 20% said that financial infidelity would actually be worse than their partner physical cheating. Consider that for a moment. One in five people would rather have their partner have sex with someone else than spend money secretly.