Insight & Action: Improving Your Interpersonal Effectiveness
Master the art of confrontation and learn to skillfully say"no"
Q&A with Dr. Lere
My real-life reactions to real-world conundrums.
Dear Dr. Lere,
I consider myself a generous person and try to be giving with my time and help friends, family, and colleagues whenever I can. I rarely tell someone “no” when they ask me for something, even if I don’t really want to or it is inconvenient for me. I’m beginning to worry that people sometimes take advantage of my willingness to help. What can I do?
Our greatest strengths, unchecked, can become liabilities. It’s wonderful that you’re willing to share with others, but it’s not sustainable to give yourself away. Many people struggle to say “no” to the people in their lives. Difficulties setting this boundary stem from the stories you tell yourself. People often shy away from honest answers when they forecast someone will be disappointed or have a strong emotional reaction. Take the perspective of the other party. When you ask for a favor, you probably don’t want someone to begrudgingly agree to your request. Saying “yes” when you don’t really mean it can lead to resentment which can have negative downstream effects on your relationship. Remember opportunity cost–every time you say “yes” you are saying “no” to someone or something else.