Growing up, I was like lots of kids. To me, the 4th of July was about sunburns, picnics, and popsicle-stained faces. I’ve been fiercely independent always, so from a young age, I was eager for more autonomy. As I emerged into adulthood, I developed a more nuanced appreciation of what it meant to be independent. More freedom lives in lockstep with increased responsibility.
In the summer of 2013 another lesson about freedom side-swiped me—it's costly and requires courage. I learned that while my fellow Americans nonchalantly ate watermelon at backyard BBQs and enjoyed a holiday from work, my husband was in the middle of his very first firefight. He and a team of commandos were lighting up the Taliban like fireworks. Happy 4th of July. Freedom, it turns out, takes guts, and it’s bought with blood.
Some people say they want freedom, but they actually want someone else to tell them what to do. This conveniently allows them to pass blame if things don’t work out. They don’t have to take radical ownership of outcomes. Making decisions takes bravery. It requires you to take a stand, be vulnerable, and risk being wrong. But the alternative is bleak. When you allow external forces to drive your life, you’re set up for disappointment.
The most transformative lessons in our life don’t come from lectures or instructions. We find them through self-discovery. Sustainable action follows a decision deep in a person’s soul about what they want and what they are prepared to do to get it. In therapy, I explain to clients that I’m not there to give them advice. I aim to empower authorship. My job is to ask hard questions. The magic happens when people find their own answers.
Too many people forfeit the freedom they already have. They don’t realize the power at their fingertips (and between their ears) because they’re distracted by things outside of their grasp. They create their own tyranny and become shackled by their own attention. Often, individuals deplete themselves by expending time, energy, and effort on things they cannot meaningfully change. When you're feeling stuck, one of the best things you can do is assess what you realistically can and cannot control in your current circumstances. Distinguish withins from beyonds. Reinvest your efforts in the areas where you have influence.
You will never escape constraints. The world you live in will never be just. Still, no one will ever be able to strip you of your power to choose how to respond to the situations that surround you. Leverage what you have and use it. Always remember - you’re in charge of your attitude. How you decide to frame what unfolds in front of you will profoundly affect your energy and mood. Stop passively letting the world happen to you. Lean forward and look for opportunity.
Freedom is a burden the fortunate get to bear. When you’re privileged enough to have it, don’t act selfishly. Be a protector. Consider how you can use your voice and resources to improve your situation and the lives of the disenfranchised and people more vulnerable than you. Independence is bought, often at exorbitant cost. Live a life worthy of the price, and pay it forward.
The world is a dark place, go light something up.
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
- Søren Kierkegaard
If you liked this post, spread the joy and share it with someone else!
If you’re interested in more strategies for managing stress, raising your EQ, and increasing self-awareness, don’t miss Finding Joy:
For more of my musings on love, life, and work, you can follow me on Twitter, IG, and Linked In.