You’ve maybe seen a proliferation of “2024 IN/OUT” lists on social media this last week. Scores of people have made public declarations about what they intend to get after and leave behind as they enter the new year. In January, it’s easy to be full of zealous aspirations about goals and change. This is all well and good. I’m a believer in leveraging the power of a fresh start. But, in the end, what moves the dial is the consistent, unexciting choices we take every day, even (especially) when we don’t feel like it.
To create the life we want, we have to draw lines. Who stays? What goes? How we finish the year comes down to a stack of decisions we make each day that, together, largely determine the quality of our health, relationships, and sanity.
Here’s my shrink-mom-wife-founder-friend-daughter-sister take on what to keep and cull in 2024:
IN for 2024
Emotional Intelligence.
The world doesn’t care what you got on your SATs. In life, IQ can only get you so far. At a certain point, your intellectual prowess won’t be what differentiates you. In 2024, EQ isn’t woo. It’s your edge. If you have set a goal for the new year, there’s a good chance that achieving it will require at least one dimension of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and social skills.
Protecting Your Energy.
As you start this year, run an energy audit. Who drains you? What do you dread? Who inspires you? What lights you up? To the extent you can, eliminate (or at least reduce) the soul-sucking relationships and tasks in your life. Look for ways to increase opportunities to recharge. To truly optimize, you can’t just think about how you budget your time. You must be judicious about protecting your energy, too.
Family.
When I ask people about the things that matter most to them, family is usually high on the list. Yet, the choices they make about how they budget their time, attention, and energy often tell a different story about their priorities. If you’re still able to, call your mom. Date your spouse. Don’t make your kids compete with your phone for your attention. Families are messy and imperfect and sometimes heartbreakingly hard. I get it. Still, there’s something about the depth of blood ties that bind us. What relationships will still be front and center for you in two or three decades? Invest in them now.
Boundaries.
In 2024, set limits (with yourself and the people around you). Boundaries aren’t requests—they’re actions. What will you tolerate?
Play.
Most adults have lost their ability to play. Somewhere along the way, many of us got the message that the pursuit of success was a Serious endeavor. It’s time to rethink the way we think about play in adulthood. Don’t picture blocks. Imagine improv instead. Take risks. Reshape mistakes. Collaborate. Let go of inhibitions. Build trust to promote creativity and spontaneity. (Also, if you have kids, spend more time playing with them too. Because, before you know it, they’ll stop asking you.)
Throwing Things Out.
Make 2024 the year of less stuff. Reduce clutter in your physical environment—it will transform your headspace. Donate or throw something away every day.
OUT in 2024
Short-changing Sleep.
Any difficulty you face is amplified if your sleep is amiss. Sufficient sleep profoundly impacts our daily functioning. Without enough shut-eye, it’s hard to regulate our emotions. We can’t do our best work. We’re more irritable and terse. Being underslept is just not a good scene. Put yourself to bed on time.
Burning the Candle on Both Ends.
Make 2024 the year of sustainability. If your life feels like a marathon of sprints to “get through,” step back and reexamine things. What are you chasing? Why? To what end? At what cost (to whom)? You can endure intense bursts of stress, but if tension is chronic - sooner or later, you will snap.
“When, Then” Thinking.
Too often, we fall into the trap of “when/then” thinking.
When . . ., then I’ll be happy.
When. . ., then I will have enough.
When. . ., then I’ll stop.
When. . ., then things will get easier.
Unfortunately, the “when” seldom produces the result that we predict it will. Or, if it does, the feeling fades fast. Then, the target moves. (Or, we level up to a different version of hard.) Stop waiting to be happy, content, and satisfied. Time and external circumstances won’t change things as much as you think they will. Choose joy now.
Neglecting Your Future Self.
Humans are wired to treat their future selves like different people. This mental glitch makes it easy to indulge ourselves today, even when that choice is a long-term punishment. Don’t let acts of self-sabotage masquerade as rewards. Before you take action, ask, How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes? 10 hours? 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years?)
Overcommitting.
Busy is not a badge of honor. Do less out of guilt or obligation. If you have kids, please stop overscheduling them. You only have one life—don’t rush through it, frazzled and stressed. The world will keep spinning if you say no. In 2024, make a shift from “doing” to “being.” Slow down. Breathe. Let yourself be bored. You’ll probably be amazed at the beautiful things that emerge if only you create space.
Comparison.
Stop comparing everyone else’s curated highlight reel to your public pain. EVERYONE you meet is living a story you know nothing about. If you had the whole story, you might hesitate to actually swap places with some of the people who you’re most envious of. We won’t eliminate comparison (we’re human after all). But don’t let it steal your joy. If someone has something you want, be inspired. Follow their map. Cheer them on. There’s enough success to go around. If you treat it like a zero-sum game, you will be the one who loses.
Mindless Scrolling.
For one week, track how much time you spend using your phone to escape. Be honest. Write it down. At the end of the week, multiply the number by 52. In 2023, there’s a good chance that’s approximately the number of precious minutes you gave away to people paying top dollar for your attention. If you had a second chance to use that time, would you do something else with it? You won’t get a single minute back, but you spend your time and attention differently going forward.
Making Excuses.
We’re mental magicians when it comes to justifying our choices. It’s easy to find reasons to explain away suboptimal decisions that don’t serve us. There wasn’t time. I was tired. It was a special occasion. I didn’t want to make ___ feel _____. There’s too much to do. This year, take radical ownership. Choose. Then, act intentionally. Don’t give away your agency—it’s one of the most powerful tools you have.
Echo Chambers.
If you’re a US citizen, buckle up. Election year is here. It will be chaotic and polarizing. Plan ahead and figure out what you need to do to protect your peace. Politics are a dirty, messy game. Don’t let them ruin your relationships. If you don’t spend time with a single person who doesn’t share your political opinions, expand your orbit. Whatever happens in November, half the country will have Big Feelings about it. No matter the outcome, we’ll have to continue to co-exist together. You don’t have to completely agree with someone to treat them with dignity. Start now.
I can’t predict exactly what is waiting for me in 2024. Nor can you. (If you’re unconvinced, take a stroll down memory lane to New Year’s Eve 2019). I do know this—whatever happens, I have to/get to choose my response. There will be heartache that I can’t predict from where I sit today. There will also be some beautiful gifts. The hard will sit alongside the good, as it always does. Like every year before, 2024 won’t come with do-overs, so I’m approaching the precious days I’m given with presence and intention. Will you join me?
Build things.
Love well.
Reach (and rest).
Cheers to the New Year! Here’s to making this next trip around the sun count.
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